Friday, March 27, 2015

BDSM Education: Negotiations.

It has been a while since I made a post and have gotten several request from readers to write more blogs like My one on subdrop. I am all about BDSM education and in the world of Second Life, it can be hard to find resources and where to turn.

The Financial scene is already one that is extremely controversial. We have some in the scene that respect us, praise us and then there are others who are horrified by it and claims it causes nothing but damage and is simply preying on weak minded individuals. I've even heard myself called a thief.

Financial Domination is a form of edge play. And with any edge play, it's risky. With any play that can be dangerous, even if not physically dangerous it is up to both parties to make sure things go as planned and as safely as possible.

The first step to this is negotiation.

Now, Dommes...I can hear your thoughts right now. You are saying, "But Dove, these boys in Second Life don't care about this stuff! They just want to jerk their disgusting pencil dick and move on!". And here is what I say to that: Bullshit. While this can and is true for quite a few, there is also a long line of men who are looking for the real deal. They can't get it in their life for whatever reason be it family, work or not living in an area that would accept such activity. And when you simply assume that the man at your feet, begging for your attention is simply looking for a quick fix, you could make a big mistake.

I know that it can be hard to tell which sub is which at times, but after a bit of chatting with them and some experience under your belt it gets easier. The best thing that you can do, is go into every meeting assuming that a sub is looking for a realistic experience. And if you pride yourself as a Dominant woman, then you have taken on the role of protecting, guiding, teaching and caring for those you accept to serve you.

Alright boys, your turn. Don't think I forgot about you! You aren't getting off the hook that easily. When you meet a Domme, be open and honest with . Don't play games with her. Do what you say you will. Tell her your needs so that she knows if she can fill them. Tell her what you want and are looking for so that the both of you are clear on expectations from the start. Ask her questions as well. Don't be afraid to ask her what shes looking for. The more that you show that you have a genuine interest in her and are putting that information on the table about yourself, the less likely she is to not take you seriously.

And this is really what negotiations are about.

Before you start any scene, you need to have had time to talk to one another. Limits, kinks, likes and dislikes should be brought up by BOTH parties. That's right. Dommes have limits and boundaries as well. And just like we respect yours, you should respect ours. No means no.

Safe words should be arranged, especially for scenes that would normally have the potential to cause a negative reaction in some individuals. Things like humiliation, pain play and absolutely anything that is considered edge play needs a safe word Things like foot worship and more gentle play might not.

I know I keep saying this, but I am going to say it once more: IT IS ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION AND HONESTY.

Far too often I see something that irks me to no end. People don't negotiate the financial aspect. This is something that needs to be done. I know many Dommes who put their little piggies on a budget, having them work out what their limit would be each month/week. This is completely up to the Dom/me and sub and what works for them. What fits one might not fit another.

What is your submissive comfortable with? Do they enjoy being drained and "forced" out of their money? Or would they rather be allowed to tribute when they emotion strikes them? Both are fine so long as you two fulfill whatever commitment that was agreed upon.

This of course is in relation to those Dommes and submissives that want something more realistic and take their roles seriously. We are all aware that some Dommes out there can be just as bad as some wankers. The ticket for both sides is to stay true to yourself, what you will and will not do and be sure that you don't settle for anything less than you deserve.

If you are serious about the things that you want and whatever role you have chosen for yourself, you have. have. HAVE to negotiate.